Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
