i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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