went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
