What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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