You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
