can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
