He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
