On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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