Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
