Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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