She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
