I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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