I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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