he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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