Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
