and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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