I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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