i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
