i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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