Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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