I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
