Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
