Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin