Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
