I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
