I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
