I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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