Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
