Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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