They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
