so that wasnt chicken after all
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
