My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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