My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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