I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
