I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
