Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
