Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
