): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
