Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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