omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
