The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
