god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You made out with two different species that night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
