hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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