Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
