just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
