I faked an abortion last night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
