I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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