i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
