She is in my trunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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