I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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