elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
