My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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