I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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