This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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