I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this just has baby written all over it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
