so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
