What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
