I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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