I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
