In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
