our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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