you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
