I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
