I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
