They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
