Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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