My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
