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If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
