make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
