So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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