She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
