I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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