wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
